A blog written by my wife Janice:

SUICIDE! We keep hearing about it! We probably all have experienced it personally or know of someone who has. And every time the same things are said; we always give them an excuse. They must have had a reason to do it; mental illness, they were depressed, they were sick; they couldn’t face their problems/fears, etc, etc, etc! We’ve heard it all. We keep saying the same old thing, get help, talk to someone, reach out. But has it done any good? Is the suicide rate getting any lower? Is it working? We have all kinds of suicide prevention events. As in the above picture, we as a family all got semi-colon tattoos. It makes us as loss survivors feel better, but is it helping?

Can we just say STOP! Stop and think about what you are doing! Before you ‘take the pain away’, STOP! Don’t do what you are about to do to your loved ones, the ones that have been there with you through it, the ones that would have done more if they had just known, the ones that care about you, the ones that look up to you, the ones that wish the world for you. STOP! If you have anyone in your life that you say you love, don’t do it! It will be beyond any measure of devastating for them! The pain doesn’t end, it doesn’t go away, and there is no forgetting about it or putting it out of your mind.   —   No one will be able to tell that about us. We will go on with their lives.  We’ll smile like nothing is wrong. But we hurt and the pain is real and unending!

My dad at the age of 82, EIGHTY-TWO!!, after having lunch with my mother, gave her a smile as he went down the stairs to the family room, where we had so many family gatherings, sat down and wrote a ‘sorry and I love you all’ note, walked past the family graduation and wedding photos and went into the back room and ended his life! SERIOUSLY?!!  When/how did you make that choice to be so cruel and callous to your family? How do you do that to your wife, who would’ve celebrated your 60th anniversary two months from that day? How do you justify doing that to your kids, to your sons who were there for you to shingle your house or fix a leak whenever you asked, to your grandchildren, and grandsons that you picked up from school after you retired, and took them golfing as they grew older. How do you decide to not be there for your granddaughters’ upcoming wedding?

When did your pain become more important than their pain? What were you thinking?? But oh, that’s right, you weren’t thinking, were you? You weren’t rational. You weren’t responsible. You were in pain. You wanted it to go away. Well, congratulations that worked for you!

But you DID have a choice! You COULD have done something different. Somewhere along the way, you let yourself go down that pit!  At some point, you knew you shouldn’t feel that way. Whether it was years in the making, a hurtful event, a misunderstanding or anger, make the choice to find a solution, work it out, DO something different!

But we go on! My faith in God and my husband help me through this. But even after twelve years, it seems like yesterday. I remember it vividly. It was a warm January day. The sun was shining and we weren’t even wearing jackets. I remember where we were when we were told and the horror and unreality of it! I remember being in a fog for a long time afterwards. I still cry silent tears a lot, and at any given day, at the drop of a hat, I’ll burst out in uncontrollable sobbing. Does anyone see that? No! Sometimes I wonder if I should hide my feelings so much. Maybe my family does need to see how terrible it is so it never crosses their minds that it is a solution to any problem!  But we are taught to keep a brave face and go on. One of my aunts said to me after the funeral. “You’ve cried it all out now, right?” Nope sorry, not that easy! It has changed me forever. But we (suicide loss survivors) go on. I was fifty-some at the time, had my own life and family of my own. The hurt must be even more so for a young child, a teenager, a newly-wed, or spouse of many years.

I do not in any way want to imply that this is the worst way to lose someone! I can’t imagine the pain of losing a spouse or child or sibling, to a lingering illness or a sudden accident or even now we hear of kidnappings and death at the hands of another!

But you have a choice! I’ve read where people are making pleas to anyone thinking of suicide, to give them a call or message them. I’ll help you too if you reach out. But let it be known that I won’t coddle you. I might figuratively slap you up the side of the head and ask, WHAT THE #*)) ARE YOU THINKING?

So, I’m going to say it: Please don’t do it! PLEASE JUST STOP!!!


  1. I am thankful for every day I am alive. I was in that spiral going down and drowning faster in the darkness than I can ever explain in words. My therapist told me all those painful long lasting things my family would feel if I chose to end my pain. My response at the time was why should I suffer the horrible pain I was in to keep my family from suffering? I cannot tell anyone why i’m here and not a statistic. I can tell you that it was a hell that I would not send my worst enemy into and I feel deeply for anyone experiencing it. It is easy to say don’t do it,especially if the person saying it has never experienced the raising wall in front of them that they cannot climb nor can they find the end in either direction. There has to be a way to stop the epidemic of suicide. Removing the stigma of depression would be a start. I know people that would of rather had cancer then depression.


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